That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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