Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
