It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
