he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
