Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
