I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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