You really coming over, don't trick.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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