Redeem this text for a blowjob
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
