YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
