i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
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You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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