I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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