I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
