well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
