btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
