I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
