the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize