my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
