After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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