Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
