Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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