Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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