someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
