she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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