Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
