I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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