When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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