ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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