Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
