im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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