I didn't shave. On purpose
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
