Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
