dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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