Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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