so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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