Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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