My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
