It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
