I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
