Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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