i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
