i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
