a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
