I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
