Are we in a gay sports bar?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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