Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
