I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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