ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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