3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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