My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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