Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
