my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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