didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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