So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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