Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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