i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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