I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
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I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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