i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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