Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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