threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
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Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
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Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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