my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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