last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
